Seconds
by RubyBelle
Summary: So much time. So many moments. All wasted.


_**disclaimer:** if naruto was mine, itd be a romance revolving around akatsuki. D:  
**allergy warnings:** language, sakusasu, angst.  
**a/n:** this was pleasant to write. i needed to get away from yaoi for a little while, so i ended up writing a sasusaku angst fanfic. ah well. figuring out the time was fun. :D_

**Seconds**

* * *

The clock ticks away each second as they pass through the present, placing themselves snugly in the past, their resting place, only to live for a moment and to die forever. So many unused seconds, so many moments in time lost and forgotten, only to be left in their final black-and-white grave, left to die as people slowly stop thinking about them. Are they allowed to rest or do they forever fight for their memory to stay alive? Do they allow what has come and accept it as their destiny? Or do they fight for their memory to stay, do they slip themselves back into the minds of people, back into the minds of their great-grandchildren so they won't be forgotten, like the hundreds and thousands of spirits who fight for their memory everyday of their death?

These were the things the seventeen year old medic nin pondered over as she stared at the bleak clock hung above her doorway, slowly ticking off each second she spent there, waiting.

Each tick of the second hand-

_tick_

-was like living in hell.

Each second past-

_tock_

-was unbearable.

And there was no way out. Just to sit and wait. To sit and wait for him. For his return.

_its hurting so much right where my heart is where it should be why wont it go away please i need help_

She slowly opened and closed her cerulean eyes. She didn't look up. She didn't look down. She opened and closed them again.

_just to pass the time_

He'd left without so much as a last goodbye. After the last day, full of passion and exploding with headaches, he leaves without even allowing her to stare at his face one last time.

Another second wasted. Another second allowed to be passed by unused resourcefully.

It was so-

-fucking-

-unfair.

he left for a reason i wasnt one of them or maybe i was i dont know anymore

Tsunade had tried to make her eat. She'd tried to make her get nutrition but she never ate more than the bare minimum. Every few days, she'd pick up a fork and chew on something she wouldn't recognize or something someone had brought over. Other than that, she'd stay on the cold floor, her back pressed against the kitchen wall, staring at the front door.

It'd been ten years since she first admitted her hopes for both of them, her grandiose fairytale that she'd planned. Ten years. A decade. For some reason, it sounded like so much more time saying it like that. "_A decade_."

Ten years.

One hundred twenty months.

Six thousand two hundred forty weeks.

Two million two hundred seventy-seven thousand six hundred days.

Fifty-four million six hundred sixty-two thousand four hundred hours.

Three billion two hundred seventy-nine million seven hundred forty-four thousand minutes.

One hundred ninety-six billion seven hundred eighty-four thousand six hundred forty thousand seconds.

So much time. So many moments.

At least she had one thing to go off of. One thing.

_Not all moments were wasted_.

So many, so, so, so _fucking_ many were wasted. Useless. But, there were those few ones, those ones where he'd look in her eyes and smile with her, agree with her. Those were the sacred moments. The ones she'd never allow herself to forget.

She almost smiled.

But, instead, she blinked slowly.

This wouldn't end. He wouldn't let it.

_he leaves then waits for me to start losing hope then comes back that bastard i want him to die but i want to die with him am i sick oh god please someone help me_

He leaves and comes back. Raising hopes then crushing them. He gets enjoyment out of it. That's the only reason. The only possible explanation.

It's what he's done for so long. In every and any form.

First he hurts her, brings up anything that he can use and smash it in her face, attacking her mentally and emotionally.

Next he waits, sitting in silence and brooding, waiting for a reaction, for that one little spark of hope in her to re-ignite.

Then he raises her hopes. Raises them so she'd think that there was a reason to live. Lift her up onto her Cloud Nine.

Finally he crushes her. Destroys everything she has into such a fine powder and throws it into the wind so that she could never regain it again.

Rinse and repeat.

She was wondering when he'd come back. When he come back for phase one. Or was it three? Two? It hurt to think about it, so she didn't. She blinked again.

_i wonder how long it takes to die of suffocation it hurts so much when he not here i cant breathe can someone help me i need out now_

So many seconds.

So many moments.

So much time.

One hundred ninety-six billion seven hundred eighty-four thousand six hundred fifty thousand seconds.


End file.
